The Charlie Brown Cloud

Have you ever felt stuck?

My friend Jen and I have a term called The Charlie Brown Cloud. You know how the cartoon Charlie Brown always seems to be doom and gloom, like a rain cloud is following him around? When Jen and I used to be coworkers and one of us would be in a bad mood, we'd ask each other,

"Is it a Charlie Brown Day?"

This summer, I found myself with plenty of Charlie Brown days. I had low energy, a packed schedule of weddings and showers, and my attitude was anything but cheery. Eventually I knew I had to start making some changes if I wanted to get to a better place.

Below are some of the things that changed my view. Enjoy!

Everyday Beauty - Kirty

I first saw Kirty perform at The Garrison in Toronto. She was the opening act for Harvey Cameron, my friend's band that I was waiting to watch. There she was, this auburn hair shaking hip swaying guitar playing girl, and it made me want to find out more.

Kirty grew up in Orillia, Ontario, always surrounded by music. Her mother taught her how to play guitar, and she played trumpet all throughout high school. She attended Humber College for their Contemporary Music program. At 26, she's already released her first album through independent grants from a variety of Toronto art councils, and she's working on a new album that will be released under a label.

She describes her music as beachy, rock, folk. She quotes Bruce Springsteen, Sarah Harmer, Blue Rodeo and Neil Young as musical inspirations, as well as her family and ex-boyfriends.

Spy Girl

When searching for the first place of my own, I didn't care about square footage, or building amenities, I wanted a balcony.

My current view doesn't sweep across the geometric Toronto skyline, and it doesn't stare at a body of water, or a wild forest. Instead, it faces a narrow alleyway where I can see a sign for a dental office, and a dry cleaner. Adjacent to me are two apartment buildings.

I can see inside other people's lives, while they watch The Toronto Maple Leafs lose win play another hockey game, or as they step outside to smoke a cigarette. I can see people shaking their sheets to make their bed. My view has an Alfred Hitchcock Rear Window kind of feel, minus murder, binoculars and Grace Kelly. I'm not trying to pry, it's just right there.

When I was a kid my hero was Harriet the Spy.

She was always writing things down with her scratchy pencil in her black and white notebook. She observed the world in her own way. She was brave. While Harriet got busted by her friends when they found her notebook, I know better than to have my personal thoughts lying on my kitchen table. Instead, I have password protected word documents. While I do have this blog, I am a very private person. Even after five years of writing, I still struggle with sharing my thoughts and photos publicly.

While I'm not a professional spy, I sometimes dress like one. I also write to figure out my small place in the world. As my favourite writer Joan Didion once said, “I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”

I don't know if I'll ever stop.

Photo credits: Stefania Sgambelluri

Welcome to New York

I go to New York, the way a person recharges at a spa.

Every time I visit, it feels like I never left. I see the same friends. I stay at the same place in Brooklyn. I insert myself into the daily swarms of people heading everywhere, and nowhere. I eat sandwiches, and bagels and stay out too late, and then eat another sandwich, and sip on too many cups of coffee. And just like that, I feel inspired again.

New York isn't a juice cleanse, it's a sugar rush.

On Sunday, Jules and I headed over to Central Park, as I found out that one of my new favourite bands City of the Sun was playing a live show by the Bethesda Fountain. I've been to Central Park before, but because of its size, I realized I had never been to that specific area before.

The List - Moments

If you've been following me on Instagram, you may think that all I do is go to weddings, baptisms and family functions. You may be right. I've been running around for the past few weeks gearing up for weekends full of milestones.

Below is a round up of my latest moments, the kind that you spend with only the best people in your life. Enjoy!

1. No, I'm not going to prom. This is me before my friend's wedding. I stopped by my parents' house to drop off a bag, and they came running down the stairs with their phones and assaulted me with camera flashes. (All while my ride watched in the driveway)

2. I was recently a bridesmaid for one of my best friend's weddings. I stood by with the friends I've known since grade six, and quietly marked the official end of childhood.

3. In cooking moments, I can admit that I've lapsed on making proper meals. With an evening job, I find myself eating granola bars, or anything that can fit in a Ziploc bag. Last week, I found myself with a night off so I made a simple rice dish, using my mom's homemade tomato sauce. For Thanksgiving, I made a beet and goat cheese terrine. I found the recipe on The Chalkboard Mag, via British sisters Hemsley and Hemsley.

4. Families that selfie together...stay together? Inspired by Ellen's Oscar shot, my family did our own Thanksgiving selfie. My favourite are the two baby expressions at the bottom. They must be thinking, What's wrong with these people? 

5. I love taking photographs, and it seems that I am now the unofficial photographer at family engagements. While I'm an admitted amateur, the best feeling is scrolling through your photos and finding the perfect shot. The photo below is from Baby Kate's baptism. It captures the love of her (ridiculously attractive) parents, and the curiosity of this beautiful baby girl.  

Weekly Mantra - Here We Grow

Thessaloniki, Greece

I have 32, 883 words of a young adult novel that I've been writing.

According to Writer's Digest, the average young adult novel is between 55,000 and 69,999 words, which means that I am halfway to completion.

Will I finish it? I'm not sure. Do I want to finish it? Of course! Sometimes I look for inspiration in photos or words to remind me that all projects (personal or professional) take time.

Above is a photo I took in Thessaloniki of my favourite sculpture in the city. It's called Umbrellas, and the beauty of it made my eyes tell my brain to stop thinking for a moment. I wonder about the sculptor, Giorgos Zogolopoulos. I wonder how daunting this project must've felt at first, and how many people told him it wouldn't make sense.

Lastly, below is a quote from author and entrepreneur, Seth Godin that I also found inspiring and relevant. Enjoy!

"Great projects start out feeling like buildings. There are architects, materials, staff, rigid timelines, permits, engineers, a structure.

It works or it doesn't.

Build something that doesn't fall down. On time.

But in fact, great projects, like great careers and relationships that last, are gardens. They are tended, they shift, they grow. They endure over time, gaining a personality and reflecting their environment. When something dies or fades away, we prune, replant and grow again.

Perfection and polish aren't nearly as important as good light, good drainage and a passionate gardener.

By all means, build. But don't finish. Don't walk away.

Here we grow." - via sethgodin.typepad.com 

The Greece Travel Diaries: Mykonos

I couldn't help but think about that Fleet Foxes song, Mykonos (which was sadly missing from my music playlist) during our four-hour boat ride to the island, from Athens.

Mykonos, the dry island as they call it, didn't have the lush landscapes that I was used to during my time in Northern Greece. It did, however, fulfill the exact fantasy that I had about Greece from watching films. Blue and white homes sprinkled everywhere; candy-coloured lacquered shutters; cobblestone hills and streets; evil eyes in store windows; and tourists, tons and tons of tourists.

Mykonos is where people go to have a good time. Maria and I would spend the day at the beach, head back to our hotel, change for dinner, and then after dinner head back to nap, before heading out again after midnight.

The Greece Diaries - Halkidiki & Metsovo

The next two stops on my Greek adventure were Metsovo and Halkidiki.

Metsovo is a medieval town on the mountains of Northern Greece. We stopped there for lunch on our way back from Lefkada, and spent a couple of hours taking photos, and eating saganaki. 

What is saganaki? Saganaki is a square block of fried cheese that is typically served as an appetizer to your heart. Metsovo also felt like I fell into the storybook of Hansel and Gretel. 

Once we arrived back to Thessaloniki, it was time to repack my mini luggage because we were heading to the beach again. This time, we were going to Halkidiki, which is where everyone in Thessaloniki goes on the weekends, or mid-week to "summer." Think of it as The Hamptons. 

Halkidiki or Chalkidiki as they also call it, is located in Northern Greece on the Aegean Sea. It looks like a three-fingered hand, and those fingers, or legs as they call them are where the beaches and summer resorts are. It's about a 30 minute, to a one hour drive depending on which prong you pick. Maria's family has a beach house there, but we stayed at the beach house of her friend Annie. 

Halkidiki was one of the words that took me three days to learn how to pronounce, but once I got it, I got it. We spent the new few days dancing at beach bars, and lying around under straw hut umbrellas with Maria's friends who all welcomed me like I was one of the group. 

In Halkidiki, I tried Maria's mother's spanakopita. After two weeks of being in Greece, it still remained the best thing I ever tasted. Her secret is in the handmade phyllo pastry. 

Below are some photos I took! Enjoy!

The Greece Diaries - On the Road

I had no idea what to expect when I arrived in Greece.

The only Greece I knew was the one I've seen in photos and films. The one that is strictly white and blue, and exists only on an island. I didn't imagine green leafy trees, mountains or even lakes. (Naive, I know).

If you're an avid reader of Not A Model, you may remember Maria from my travel posts on Florence. She was my roommate last summer, while I was taking amateur cooking classes, and trying to speak Italian.

We talked about me booking a trip to visit for some time, but I never thought I'd actually do it. I remember talking to my mother who said, "Amanda, I know you. If you don't go, you will regret it. When will you have the chance to visit Greece through the eyes of someone who lives there?" 

Moms are always right.

So in exactly 14 hours, and two connecting flights, I made it to Thessaloniki, the second largest city in Greece next to Athens. Maria kindly met me at the airport, all smiles in her Smart car. When we got to her house, her family warmly greeted me at the door like I was a long lost cousin they've been waiting for.

We stayed in Thessaloniki for one night, and the next morning we were off to Agrinio, to pick up Maria's boyfriend Kostas.

It was a five-hour drive to Agrinio, and I was sitting in a car without a To-Do list, Wi-Fi, or emails to respond to. I stared into vast stretches of highway, and tunnels that darkened the sky. We made one stop in Ioannina, a small city that means "Town of John." We sat by the town's lake for an espresso break, and then went to see the local castle.

When we arrived in Agrinio, I met Kostas and his family (including his adorable dog Evy). In the afternoon, we went to visit Kostas' brother Nikos' perfume shop, where he gave me my new scent, Lolita. At night, we had dinner at a local restaurant by the lake. I mentioned that I needed a recommendation for olive oil as my Dad asked me to buy him some. When we got home, Kostas had prepared a large tub for me, fresh from his family's olive trees. The next morning, we got back in the car and began our journey to Lefkada.

I could almost taste the ocean...

The Duchess

Meet Baby Kate, or The Duchess as I like to refer to her in hashtags.

She was born a day after me, so naturally we're destined to be best friends. I spent my Friday afternoon hanging with Kate, after she'd been overindulging on the white liquid, which I learned is a term called milk drunk. When babies are milk drunk they roll their eyes back, wobble their heads, and make funny sounds. Note: drunk babies are way cuter than drunk adults. 

Spending the afternoon with a two week old, makes you appreciate the humble movements of daily life that you barely notice. Things like, stretching, napping and smirking. 

While I snapped tons of photos, Kate mostly slept through our entire photo shoot. As Linda Evangelista wouldn't wake up for less than $10,000 a day; I imagine Kate doesn't like to wake up for photo shoots that yield less than 10,000 gallons of milk a day. 

It's another week, and while it may feel exactly the same as last week (unless you are going on vacation, or are about to embark upon a big life change) the weeks can blur together. This week, be aware of the movements of your body that you may take for granted. Get MILK DRUNK, or just become content with something that satisfies you like a good meal, laugh or snuggle. 

After going through my photos, I decided that my favourite is the shot above. It was right after Kate's supermom Didi, put on her hat. Kate was all like,

"Ain't no baby fresher than me! I'm coming for you George..." 

The Creative Life

I usually spend my weekends balancing social plans, eating dark chocolate in my bra, listening to music or watching Netflix; and sitting for hours at my laptop inventing freelance pitches and working on my "stories."

My "stories" are my projects. Personal essays, short stories, creative writing; they are the never ending projects that keep me busy. Stef and I recently met up to chat about collaborating on a new online project, and to drink Negronis in the middle of the day. While adding another project to my plate may not be the best way to complete the others, I'm always looking to collaborate with creative people. 

Creativity is all about believing in the power of making different choices. 

It isn't just about being a writer, painter, or photographer; bringing creativity into your life can be as simple as thinking of something fun to do with your kids; making a new recipe for dinner; or buying a colourful pillow for your couch. Sure, all of those choices don't equate to creating the next Mona Lisa, but they will bring variation into your life. 

Even if creativity involves failing, and the only person who will like it is your mother (okay, my mother); if you get enjoyment from something creative, keep on pushing through. Surround yourself with people who believe in it, and you.

And if all else fails, drink a Negroni.

Photo credits: Stefania Sgambelluri