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Helloooo!

Sometimes a vacation feels more than a couple of weeks away.

When I returned home from Greece, I felt like I'd been away for over a month. I came home to a completely different routine, to a different me. Before I left, I was a bit of a mess. I had tired panda eyes, and a slightly dropped spirit.

In Greece, I spent two weeks violently shaking my hair underwater like a happy sea monster. I relished in taking sweaty naps in the afternoon, and cold showers at night. I glued my forehead to car windows that took me down highways that snaked around cliffs of yellow flowers that smelled like a freshly perfumed French woman.

I carried around two notebooks, writing down everything I saw. I reconnected with my fictional characters that I sometimes set aside, like that game you played as a child, when someone yells "Freeze!" and you don't move until someone says you can. I thawed them out, and their stories started up again.

Before I left, I went to dinner with my best friend, and she took some photographs of me in Roncesvalles. While I stood in the cubbyhole she picked, she asked me to use the space around me; to embody the newfound freedom that I badly wanted to embrace.

So I did, and when we found the best shot, I hesitated to post it. She told me to own it, to stop caring about the rest.

While away, I began reading Dr. Brene Brown's, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. I first came across Brown's Ted Talk on vulnerability and I couldn't get it out of my head for days. I've always struggled with vulnerability. I've even been told that by a few people. But Brown believes that being vulnerable makes you stronger, even if at first, you feel weaker.

This week's mantra comes from her book. It is a quote I can re-read 100 times and still feel something. Hope you do too!

"Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be— a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation— with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly." 

I have a bunch of travel diary posts coming up. Stay tuned! x

BRB

This past month has tested my resilience in more ways than I could imagine. There is nothing I need more than a little R&R; a morsel of time away.

Here's to packing a bag, heading to the ocean and shedding a layer with every step.

Below is this week's mantra! Be back soon.

Source: Tumblr

To stay in touch, track Not A Model's travel journey on Instagram. x 

New Weekly Mantra - Remembering why

Last week, while patrolling Twitter I came across a tweet from actress Meghan Markle, who plays Rachel Zane, the smart-mouthed beauty from Suits. The quote she tweeted is a reminder to remember why. 

I often lose sight of why I love to do the things I love to do (write, cook, run etc.) When things get to be too stressful, I trudge ahead and lose the present moment of joy. This quote brought me back. 

Enjoy!

Monday Mantra - We teach girls to shrink themselves...

This past weekend, I needed a confidence boost before attending an event. While I put my face on, I chose to listen to a mass amount of Beyonce. By the time I stopped dancing long enough to put some pants on, I felt better, like I could walk into a room and do a cartwheel while flipping my hair.

While I missed Bey & Jay's Grammy performance, (these are times I wish I had cable) I thought that I would start Monday with a new mantra not from Bey, but from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. The acclaimed Nigerian writer/author is sampled on Beyonce's song Flawless, and features a Ted Talk she gave called, "We should all be feminists."

Below is part of Chimamanda's talk sampled from the song, and this week's mantra! Enjoy. x

"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: 'You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful

otherwise, you will threaten the man.' Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing but for the attention of men.." 

New Weekly Mantra - Nothing Is Stopping You

You know who doesn't have a self-esteem problem? Big Sean.

Well, I could safely say that most rappers have an extreme sense of confidence. They are always spitting rhymes of how great they are, or rather, how much better they are than their counterparts.

Currently, I've been listening to Big Sean's album Hall of Fame. On his main track, "Nothing is Stopping You," he rhymes his usual bravado. However, at the end of the song his mother (or what seems to be his mother) starts talking over the beat. She says,

"I know you're not my child talking like that. Focus on shifting the negative energy, into something positive and the easiest way to do that, is to be grateful for all the things that you do have. For your health, for your family, your friends, all the people that care about you. You've got food to eat, you've got a place to stay." 

Cool right? Honest right? And so, it's this week's mantra.

If you don't feel good, go with the gratitude. Get happiness through appreciation. Perhaps even listen to a rap song, or maybe just call your mother. She'll set you straight.

New Weekly Mantra - Your Twenties as told by Helen Mirren

Although last night I got to feel like a teen again with NSYNC's reunion, the reality is I'm in my twenties.

Advice on being in your twenties varies from a hundred Thought Catalog lists, to an episode of HBO's Girls. While all stories and commentaries are valid, sometimes the most interesting outlook is from someone who has lived through their twenties, and then some.

This week's Not A Model mantra comes from the great Helen Mirren as told to Esquire magazine. Mirren embodies the aging process in the most graceful way, and I couldn't think of someone I'd believe more if they told me something about a decade. Happy Monday! x

"The hardest period in life is one's twenties. It's a shame because you're your most gorgeous and you're physically in peak condition. But it's actually when you're most insecure and full of self-doubt. When you don't know what's going to happen, it's frightening."

Everyday Beauty - Ane

I first noticed Ane (pronounced Annie) in my cooking class.

She was the girl who always volunteered to chop vegetables and mix sauces. When she speaks, her voice is surprisingly raspy. It instantly sets her apart from the girls with the high pitched chalkboard voices. I learned that in her spare time she bakes cakes. She's 18 years old, from Costa Rica and is taking some time off to travel before starting school.

Her hair is the most beautiful colour, like golden fireworks that spill from the sky. Ane smiles so much that she couldn't keep a straight face for our shoot. The photos I took are a bit overexposed, but I blame Ane. She seems to reflect light everywhere she goes.

The rest of us can't help but be blinded.

New Weekly Mantra & The Festival Of Lights - Pisa

This past weekend I visited Pisa and attended La Luminara di San Ranieri, which is a festival of lights for their patron saint. Each window and building that lined the Arno river was lit by thousands of candles hand-placed, to illuminate the entire city.

It was the most magical festival I've ever experienced. People who are close to me know that I am mesmerized by lights. Take me to a restaurant, a bar or a park with tea lights and I'm yours.

Sometimes the light can be more scary than the dark because it involves going towards something that is greater, stronger and more stunning than we may believe we deserve. This week's mantra come from Plato, and has to do with accepting the light in whatever form it presents itself.

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

Below are some photos I took of the festival. I'm not the most skilled in taking photos at night, so here is my experimentation. Enjoy! x 

Not A Model Weekly Mantra - What Now?

Books seem to be the best companions when travelling solo.

I've only been in Florence for a week, and I've already finished reading three books. Keep in mind this time frame includes my 8.5 hour plane ride and a two hour day trip this past weekend. I am not some freak speed reader.

The latest book I finished reading was, What Now by Ann Patchett. It is a published essay on the commencement speech that Patchett gave at Sarah Lawrence College. The essay includes Patchett's experiences attending her alma mater, working as a waitress and trying to become an author.

It is an essay that provides insight into the question that always seems to pop up when people find themselves at a crossroads. 

That question is, "What Now?"

Seeing as I will be returning to Canada in less than a month, the question "What Now" or "What Next" seems to linger in the air. While I should not be worrying about the future, it is inevitable when spending time solo to begin to analyze one's life path. This essay was a great reminder of the possibilities that lie ahead, not the stress.

Below is a quote from Patchett's essay, and this week's mantra. Enjoy! x

"If you are trying to find out what's coming next, turn off everything you own that has an OFF switch and listen. Make up some plans and change them. Identify your heart's truest desire and don't change that for anything. Be proud of yourself for the work you've done. Be grateful to all the people who helped you do it. [..] You are, every one of you, someone's favourite unfolding story."

New Weekly Mantra - Paulo Coelho

K

I'm currently reading Paulo Coelho's Manuscript Found in Accra. 

It features lessons from scripture manuscripts found in Egypt. Each chapter follows a theme in the form of a question. Topics range from love, change and anxiety, to travel, defeat and solitude. It's an easy read for anyone who needs inspiration or reassurance that their feelings are universal, and something is looking out for them. 

As I mentioned, my largest concern with solo traveling was the feeling of being alone. It is a strange fear for me as I've always been an independent person, and as a writer I spend a lot of time by myself and in my own head. I like that time to myself, but I also crave the surroundings of my social circle and family. 

Thus far in Florence, I've been surrounded by new acquaintances, but still have the quiet time to myself. I believe anyone who fears being alone fears what they might find out about themselves when they stop to listen. 

Below is this week's mantra from Paulo Coelho. Enjoy! 

"Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to amuse themselves with, something to judge. 

If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself."

Weekly Mantra - Inventing Life's Meaning

What is considered "life's work?"

Is it how much time people spend in an office? Is it volunteering or devoting your life to another cause? It is taking care of children? How many categories define what it means to spend your hours, and how many people will judge what you choose? How can one follow their creative desire without starvation or ridicule?

Lately, these are the questions I find myself asking.

I read this quote from Calvin and Hobbes creator, Bill Watterson as sourced by Brain Pickings during Watterson's commencement speech at Kenyon College. It's a lengthier mantra but worth the read. For the full article click here. x

"Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth. You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble." 

Not A Model Weekly Mantra - Slow Down

Slow down. Do less. Act like an ant climbing up a stalk of celery. Relish in the nothing. Act like a child on summer vacation.

This week's mantra is all about savouring some kind of moment. Time seems to race by, even when the weather scorches and the backyards fill with friends. There is no way to stop it, so we might as well enjoy it.

“That is my problem with life, I rush through it, like I'm being chased. Even things whose whole point is slowness, like drinking relaxing tea. When I drink relaxing tea I suck it down as if I'm in a contest for who can drink relaxing tea the quickest.” - Miranda July

New Weekly Mantra - Ready or not

Some people make decisions conditionally.

If X happens, I will do Y, or I can't do A because of B, C, D and E.

While this blog post isn't a formulaic math test, sometimes the waiting until we are ready for something may never be so. I have many areas of my life that I condition decisions upon based on the arbitrary idea that I'll know when I become "ready." It's not like one day you wake up and a stamp appears on your forehead, smudged and bright green declaring the word, START. Sometimes you have to make a move before.

Below is this week's Not A Model mantra. Ready, set...

"It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any." - Hugh Laurie

Weekly Mantra - Inaction Is A Choice

I was chatting with a friend about taking action, creating change and leap frog leaping, when I immediately gave 50 reasons why taking action and making choices isn't necessary. Sometimes it's best just to let things be.

While I rationalized my thoughts fears, she told me that my inaction was also a choice. I was confused. Isn't inaction just remaining in your present state? Isn't it just living the same way you always have? That's not really choosing.

No, she said. You are still making a choice, instead it is one to not act. Inaction is a choice.

It's like this: there is an orange and a banana on the table and you are so agonized by the nutritional value of Vitamin C versus potassium that you believe that by not eating either, you haven't made a decision at all. However, not choosing is a choice in itself. (Note: this fruit example is mine, not hers)

While this was something that flickered a thousand fireflies in my head, this may be common to most. Duh, Amanda, not choosing is indeed choosing. What planet are you from? The consequences of inaction are rumbling around my world today and I am reevaluating the reasons behind inaction - from safety to comfort to fear. For a more eloquent example than oranges vs. bananas, see below for this week's mantra. Enjoy! x

“The most ominous of fallacies - the belief that things can be kept static by inaction” - Freya Stark

Weekly Mantra - On Comparing Yourself to Others

To compare one's life to others is akin to self-inflicted torture. Why? Because there will always be someone who has more, does more, looks better, acts funnier and lives smarter.

As I tip off of my early twenties into my later twenties, I can't help but compare every aspect of my life to other people my age. When I spiral into a "I have no time to do anything complex," I retract, refocus and realize that LIFE ISN'T SOME WEIRD COMPETITION WHERE WE JUMP AROUND IN POTATO SACKS RACING TO THE SAME ARBITRARY FINISH LINE.

It's sort of like my favourite guilty pleasure, The Bachelor. I've watched almost every season, wrote essays on the show in university and I always come to the same conclusion: how can 25 women all like the same man? It's impossible. The only reason they like him is become it's a race, a contest, a competition; they want to win a prize.

So instead of being like a bachelor contestant and trying to achieve some sort of twenty-something prize, I'm going to go at my own pace and figure out some sort of path that makes sense for me.

This week's mantra is a bit late, as I've been sick all week with a wicked virus that has left me overdosed on tea and Gilmore Girls. (Has there ever been a cooler TV mom than Lorelai?!) The below mantra emphasizes the importance of understanding that just because people share the same age, doesn't mean they have to share the same life:

"Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries knows nothing about grapes.” Paracelsus

Weekly Mantra - The Don't Do

The difference between children and adults is a strong sense of obligation.

Children bluntly tell their parents what they don't want to do. Parents on the other hand, force their children to understand responsibility in the face of resistance. Finish your broccoli. Don't quit piano lessons. Kids usually still protest for the most part, because they know the feeling of loving something and loathing something. Somewhere along the way, the child grows up and the intense pursuit of passion (for some) is replaced with the guilt of responsibility.

I find that an excess of obligation as an adult can lead to participating in too many things that one does not enjoy. It is no longer about the personal pursuit of fascination but the guilt that comes with admitting that you should abandon something earlier than socially acceptable. I'm not talking about not paying your mortgage because you want to buy shoes, or running out on your spouse because someone winked at you; broccoli is also delicious. Instead, it's about having the guts to resist and release all things that you find yourself convincing yourself that you should do, finish, or continue for no other reason than obligation.

This week's mantra is indicative of choosing pleasure and self-worth, over blind commitments:

"Don’t settle. Don’t finish crappy books. If you don’t like the menu, leave the restaurant. If you’re not on the right path, get off it." - Chris Brogan

Not A Model Mantra - Following your bliss

Source: residenceblog.com via Amanda on Pinterest

There are times when I convince myself that desire, drive and the pursuit of some kind of soul ignition is idealistic.

I convince myself that happiness based on passion is something that as I get older, becomes more of a fantasy than daily reality.

I start to get jaded.

I think of everything that makes others happy and contract conformity like a cold.

I ignore the leanings, the imaginations.

I rationalize and rationalize and rationalize and then I read something like this week's mantra and it reminds me to keep on pursuing.

The rest was just created for someone else.

"Following your bliss is not self-indulgent, but vital; your whole physical system knows that this is the way to be alive in this world and the way to give to the world the very best that you have to offer. There is a track just waiting for each of us and once on it, doors will open that were not open before and would not open for anyone else." - Joseph Campbell

Not A Model Weekly Mantra - Anais Nin

I remember in university the panicked feeling of having to highlight passages in books for essays and exams. I was gently teased by my friends for being an over-zealous highlighter, pretty much deeming every other sentence as "important."

It is nice to get away from that anxious feeling when reading, and I don't remember the last time I really folded a page or wrote in one of my books, until recently. I've been reading The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume One. Nin was an American author and most famous for her diaries where she documented her personal relationships in a candid way that was rare for a woman of that time. Marked as a leader in feminism, her diaries are absorbing and relateable despite the time period. Volume One marks her experience living in Louveciennes, France and while I'm not finished it yet, I'm hooked.

I marked this quote down instantly after reading it. I even took a photo of it with my phone (the new way of "highlighting") and have come back to it ever since.

This week's mantra is a bit unnerving and sticks with you, long after you're done reading. 

“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book… or you take a trip… and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken.” (Anais Nin)

For more passages from Anais, click here.

Not A Model Weekly Mantra - Miss Almost

Source: bohemea.tumblr.com via Amanda on Pinterest

I'm not one to follow advice columns too closely. I don't absorb too much insight from them because I find it hard to really convey a problem on paper to a stranger.

However, I came across Elle's advice column called Ask Miss. E Jean and there was a question/answer that I wanted to share.

This woman called "Miss Almost" wrote in to complain about how she feels that she is "extremely beautiful and intelligent" and yet she is leading a regular, dull, underachieving life.

While I did find this lady a bit self-involved (really, you deserve a better card because you're pretty and went to grad school?) I thought E. Jean's response was rather interesting.

She responded by talking about what makes entrepreneurs successful, and subsequently has provided me with this week's mantra:

"Entrepreneurs who report being happy and who are flourishing (i.e., making money) with their new ventures share expected traits: 1. empathy, 2. focus, 3. talent, 4. luck, 5. creativity. But there’s an element that keeps surprising us.

The surprising element is impatience.

Stop waiting, Miss Almost. The woman who waits for something magical to happen will die beautiful, ignored, and overlooked, curled in her “shell,” jabbering in three languages, never realizing she possessed the magic all along."

So if you have lists upon lists of things you want to do, learn, experience, create or become; it seems the trick is to get working or take a chance. Nothing will be handed over based on how much you think you deserve it.

For the full question/answer and more advice click here. x

Not A Model Mantra - On the Road

Last week, I went to watch On the Road despite lending the book version to a friend. I usually like to read books before watching the onscreen adaptation, but sometimes I break those self-imposed rules.

While I won't ruin the movie, or give a review (I'm not much for that) I did enjoy the rejection of the stay-in-your-birth-place-for-the-rest-of-your-life ideology. Who doesn't like road trip adventures?

Oh and I also concluded that any relatively attractive boy named Dean will grow up to be trouble.

This week's mantra is from Mr. Jack Kerouac:

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”

Here's to re-thinking commonplace things...